Emotional Overdrive

I've decided to come back to Blogger in order to help sort through my thoughts. Ever since the mushroom trip a few days ago, my emotions have been on overdrive. My situation, which I was happy with, is now making me bounce between feeling complacent and miserable.

During the shroom trip, Robyn texted me, sparking feelings of sadness over us breaking up and her now being 500 miles away in Colorado. I miss her terribly. My question is, was I just numb to my feelings for her or am I only feeling this because I'm lonely. I was all on the band wagon with being single and doing whatever I wanted with nobody to answer to. If I was so happy with this, then why am I feeling like I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life?

My other big concern is Maegan. She's fun to hang around with, but there's been some issues I have with how she is. She gets sad and depressed fairly often and I don't mind being supportive or being there for her as a friend, but she is a bit needy. She calls and wants to know what I'm doing every day. I'm hoping school going back into session at least helps with this to some degree. 

After the shroom trip, I decided to do a tarot reading. It was very enlightening, telling me to focus on my career and financial matters and not so much on relationships and sexual matters. This is easier said than done but I have plans to take care of this. Firstly, I'm focusing on the job I have and putting money towards paying down my credit card. I'm also expanding my job search to outside Oklahoma. i applied for a job with Vaisala in Louisville, CO. Second, I'm focusing on not masturbating or having sex as often. I need to learn some self control and grow as a person. These things are the start of an improvement of myself.